Doubts & Callings

I doubt a lot of things. Maybe because I was so gullible in my younger years, that now I just have more doubts. It's good and bad I guess. I think it's OK not to trust everyone that their word. But too often this doubting carries over into my relationship with God. Not in the good way that challenges me to dig deep in His word and discover new things about Him. But in a crippling way in which I fear I heard Him at all.

I doubt my calling to Cambodia. A lot. Did I really hear God? Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing with my life? Move there? Fundraise? It goes against pretty much all of my logic and reasoning. So days when I'm caught up in myself and in my reasoning, I get really overwhelmed about my future. But its when I turn back to God's Word that all those doubts are reassured. That's how I know it's really His calling I suppose. Whenever I'm in the Word, or getting advice from godly people in my life, or listening to a sermon, I'm at peace with my future. It's when I get distracted by the world that I begin to overwhelmed.

I had another great reminder this weekend at church. My good friend Ryan was teaching about taking risks, something I'm all too familiar with. He took us to a passage in Acts, where Paul was about to leave Ephesus and move onto Jerusalem. I read it, and personalized it for myself: "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to [Cambodia], not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." Acts 20:22-24


I have no idea what awaits for me in Orlando, South Africa, and Cambodia. Whether its safety or danger, health or sickness, success or despair. But I know in full confidence that I'm walking the path God is leading me down. And that can never be the wrong path.