Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Indecision

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4:20 AM
So my journey here is half over, which I can not believe. And I'm sure some of you are wondering what God has been telling me regarding my future here and moving back. And the truth is, I still don't know! I knew that I had to come here to really get a feel for the ministry and the people and the country before making a decision like this, but I thought once I got here I would know. And I still don't. Part of me loves the idea of uprooting my life, moving across the world, learning a new language, and mastering the motorbike. But part of me misses the comforts and community of home. Could I really live like this for a year (or more)?? It's been really hard to gauge the ministry, because of the language barrier. But if I were to come back, I'd be sure to learn enough to fluent (or at least conversational). So that barrier wouldn't exist. Plus, there's a flexibility to bring my giftedness to the ministry. Such as teaching consistent English classes, or dance classes, or sewing techniques. And I'm sure there's some bigger picture stuff I could help with, such as fundraising or graphics/newsletter stuff. I know Martin & Dary are desperate for reinforcements! It's so laid back and easy going, and it fits me well. Yeah it's really hot here, but the Khmer shower like 3 times a day, which I would be in favor of! And don't forget about daily nap time. And I'm still not a fan of the food, but there's enough Western food at the Lucky Supermarket that I could easily add things I liked to my diet (I just would actually have to cook...I haven't seen a single microwave here!). Dude, there's even TimTams here (my favorite New Zealand chocolate cookie snack...come ON America!). And there's another American girl moving here in the next few months to stay “indefinitely” which is encouraging, because her & I could probably get our own apartment in town. And did I mention I could own a motorbike?!?! My dream of owning a Vespa could be reality here in Cambodia. I could see a Angkor Wat sunset everyday. I was 50/50 before I left, and halfway through...I'm still 50/50. I really need to hear a direct answer from God. I don't feel I can move forward without Him directing me one way or the other. Part of me feels like this will be the best time in my life to make this leap, because I'm single, no kids, and no major attachments holding me to the States, and know it would be amazing. But part of me likes the normal, day to day life in America, and could be happy with the husband, 2 kids and a picket fence. I just don't know. I'm at a crux of indecision.

About the author

Joy Muldoon is a full-time missionary and part-time blogger. Read about her travels, adventures, and missions here!

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