Friday, May 30, 2008

Eating, Loving, and Praying

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4:07 PM
My book club started up again (YAY!) and our first selection was Eat. Love. Pray. by Elizabeth Gilbert. I was pretty sure I had heard of it when I was told the title, but had no idea what it was about! I'm always reading something, and at the time I found out about this book, I was reading 3 other books. Not sure how this was going to fit in, but I was looking forward to book club starting again, so I began my hunt for the book. I surprised to find it in the travel writings section of the bookstore. I was already more interested in the book! Then I read the tagline "One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia". Yeah, OK, I was hooked, and I hadn't even opened the book! Being a travel FREAK and having already traveled to India myself, I knew I'd thoroughly enjoy this one. And I can honestly say I did! In a nutshell, Elizabeth Gilbert, a travel in her early thirties, had just suffered a heartbreaking divorce and a torrid love affair, when she decided to take a year to discover pleasure in Italy and learn Italian, to learn the art prayer and mediation in India, and to experience contentment and balance in Indonesia. She was definitely on a spiritual journey, which I can appreciate, because I believe we are all in a constant state of movement towards our Heavenly Father. But early on I realized I wasn't going to line up with her theology. But I was hooked by now and wanted to know what happens!! I was surprised how much of her life outlook truly resonated with me, even not coming from a Christian worldview. "But the very fact that this world is so challenging is exactly why you sometimes must reach out of its jurisdiction for help, appealing to a higher authority in order to find your comfort." This IS why I pray and why I seek God's guidance. This crazy, chaotic, cataclysmic world isn't going to provide me contentment and peace. It's impossible! How easy it is to forget this and to search frantically for peace on earth. So thanks, Elizabeth, for that reminder. Now let's hope I can remember it! Stay tuned for more eating, loving, and praying insights....

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Rejection

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4:47 PM
So, I have been interviewing teens for about two weeks now that have applied to work for our program over the summer. Over 35 apps....15 spots.....this wasn't going to be easy. Especially not after I started interviewing!! They were all great! I mean WOW, if all teens in America could be this articulate, intelligent and passionate about their beliefs, this would be a different world. Seriously. But unfortunately, I've had to reject some. Alot of them. With my upbeat personality I hate being the bearer of bad news. And that's exactly what I've been the last couple days!! All that to say this sucks. Not my job, just rejecting people. It's just sad. :(

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Monday, May 26, 2008

Reading, Reflecting, and Relaxing

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9:21 PM
Today was Memorial Day, and instead of spending it with friends or family, I opted to spend it with myself. I've had a busy past few weeks and I have a busy summer ahead, and I thought I would enjoy the solitude. And I did! I drove out to beautiful Siesta Key beach in Sarasota,and after some creative problem solving, I parked and was on the beach! What a gorgeous day today...some cloud cover, a nice breeze and lots of warm sunshine. I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat. Pray. Love" mainly because it's my book club's selection for the month. I have really been enjoying it. Probably something to do with my insatiable love of travel, my own spiritual quest, and my outlook on cultural norms...it really lines up with her. I was also able to journal too. It seems like lately all my journaling and prayers and readings have revolved around "What the heck am I doing with my life?" And sometimes I feel that if I keep asking myself that, I'm going to miss my life. Today I prayed for peace for where I'm at. Living here in this town the rest of my life terrifies me. I don't know why, but it does. But I also know that at this point in my life, God has carved out a job and a purpose for me, and it would be wrong to walk away. Whether this changes in six months or a year, I don't know. So that's why I just simply asked for peace. And contentment. Yeah, contentment would be nice too.

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Monday, May 12, 2008

Why So Sad?

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9:34 PM
Today I sent my Facebook status to "sad" and I was kinda surprised how many wall posts, messages, IM's, and even a phone call I got because of it. Weird. I mean its actually great that so many people care about my wellbeing. Perhaps its because I'm not sad often, or if I am, I don't show it. I don't know what it is about me that I feel like I always have to have a positive or upbeat outlook. When I actually let on that I'm sad, people get really concerned. Do I not show my feelings enough? Do I let people in enough? I let one person in, real close, but now I don't have him. And it hurts and it makes me sad. But I hear its all a part of life. Ups and downs, highs and lows, gains and losses. Interesting. Doesn't really make me less sad or less hurt. Not sure what's next. But I know deep down God has a plan. And He'll reveal it when He's ready. Waiting....

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Sunday, May 4, 2008

Hunting

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11:25 PM
I hate not being connected to a church. It's weird, honestly. As much as I've despised church, as much as I've been burned by churches, and even though I've poured and poured myself into church and got nothing back, i still miss it. Maybe its the corporate worship, maybe its the teaching, but I think mainly its the community. I feel that since I haven't regularly attended a church since I've moved home last year, that I've actually lost friends. And I know thats not true, but I miss weekly connecting to people with a similar heartbeat towards God. Tonight I visited a church, and I met some nice people, went out afterwards and was social, but they weren't MY friends. It's just not the same. I don't like church-hopping and I don't like being disconnected. Element will be starting up soon, which is cool, but will it be MY church?? I heard about this other church in town I'm looking forward to visiting, called Watermark. I guess its the artsy, hippie church in town. I guess I'm hesitant in getting involved again because that means I actually live here again. Which, well, isn't the most comforting of thoughts. So I'm hoping this isn't a permanent state of being for me. I am hoping to settle down and plant myself spiritually somewhere. I think.

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